


Into Him Too

by PrinceofHellebore (PrinceofPlants)



Series: PoH’s Aroaceing the Line 2021 [2]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Ace spectrum Sasha, Asexual Character, Asexual Zolf Smith, Implied asexual spectrum character, Questioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29659395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceofPlants/pseuds/PrinceofHellebore
Summary: “What are you into him too?” she said, a little surprised, both that she had recognized Zolf’s interest, as that was something she didn’t tend to pick up on in other people and also the ‘too.’
Relationships: Sasha Racket & Zolf Smith
Series: PoH’s Aroaceing the Line 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179524
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35
Collections: AroAceing the Line





	Into Him Too

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts: **Coming Out - In the Closet - Erasing the Line** \- Black
> 
> A reflection on how hard it can be to figure out if you are or arent ace/aro. It can be a fuzzy line and being in community makes that so much easier.

“That man, that man,” Zolf muttered as Wilde disappeared into the lobby of the hotel. It was said to himself but not low enough that Sasha couldn’t hear.

“What are you into him too?” she said, a little surprised, both that she had recognized Zolf’s interest, as that was something she didn’t tend to pick up on in other people and also the ‘too.’

“What? No, never been interested in that and definitely not after everything he’s done.” Zolf said dismissively. 

’Oh,’ perhaps she had misjudged after all. Her own interest was clouded. Wilde was handsome, certainly, but that had never been something that had ever captured her attention before. There was something though, but she was having trouble pinning down what. 

“Zolf, can we talk?” The two of them were alone in the common room of the ship. Sasha had been spending a lot of her time above deck and in the rigging, learning the workings of the ship, but that had also left her lots of time to turn over her thoughts and feelings. And even with all that time she hadn’t managed to do so satisfactorily. 

Zolf closed his book over a finger. “sure, about what?” 

“I... I’ve been thinking about what you said... back in the hotel...” she came to a stop, she didn’t even know what kind of answer she wanted, just that his words had stayed in her head for the intervening days. Zolf frowned in confusion, but tilted his head in a way that said he was content to wait until she had figured out how to phrase her thoughts. “You said you’d never been interested in that, when I had asked if you were attracted to Wilde.”

“Oh,” Zolf looked somewhere between relieved and anxious. “I’m not. Never have been.” He sounded calm as though it was something he’d gotten accustomed to telling people even if it was something that he didn’t announce. Sasha wondered how many times he’d had this conversation before; it would probably come up pretty frequently on ships, both naval and piratical. It came up often enough in Other London. 

“Right...” Sasha said. “What’s that like?”

“I don’t know...” Zolf frowned and his hand lifted to brush over his mouth and down his beard in a nervous gesture. Perhaps asking that was over the line. “I mean I do, just not sure how to explain. Um... I mean... I understand what people mean when they say attracted... well, no I don’t not exactly, but like enough to know that I don’t? yeah, I... sorry, not sure how to describe a lack... What about you?”

“I’m not sure... I loved Brock, but like we grew up together, depended on each other, is that attraction?”

“I couldn’t say, might be, might not.” Zolf shrugged. Sasha frowned, thinking again. She’d loved Brock, but had she been _in love_ with him? And then there had been all these little sparks: Guy, up until capture and that stranger that had flipped off the roof in Other London. Then Amelia too, though all their interactions had been spoiled by Bertie’s presence. 

“Sorry I wasn't more helpful.” Zolf said. They were both silent for a moment before Zolf cleared his throat and asked, “you said ‘into him too,’ back in the hotel, so does the way you feel about Wilde feel different from other times?”

It was what she had been mulling over since leaving Paris. She’d found herself looking at Wilde in a different light several times as he maintained his cool attitude under pressure and then proved himself surprisingly skilled in illusion as they escaped Paris. He was flashy and interesting.“Yes, and no... I don’t know.” Again Zolf was patient, his quiet was an acceptance of the time she needed to organize her words, or if she choose not to speak that he would be content with the end of the conversation as it stood. “Yes in that its different, and no in that, I’ve felt sparks of something like before... but... I thought attraction made you want to kiss or have sex with that person, and I don’t want that... I just want to be... near them, I guess.”

“I don’t think attraction is as simple as wanting sex or anything physical or that it only means that one thing, but... I think you might have better luck talking to Hamid, I get the impression he’s had more experience in that area.”

“I don’t know, you’ve read all these Cambell novels. Seems like they would have some insight.” 

A small smile pulled at Zolf’s lips and his grip moved on the novel in his hands. “Sort of, its more that...they’re fun, dramatic, intense and that’s all entertaining but they are also idealized and exaggerated. I like them because they’re hopeful and they have happy endings. I don’t know that they have anything useful to say about attraction, not for me anyway.”

Sasha was quiet again. “Right...”

“Sorry, I don’t know that I was very helpful in answering your question.”

Sasha shrugged, “It’s fine. I think hearing what you had to say is... well, its different for both of us probably but similar too in ways. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Zolf said and opened his book back up. 

Before he could settle into reading, Sasha said, “I’m glad I ran into you lot, like not just because I was cornered, but I’m glad I met you Zolf.”

“Me too, Sasha. I’m glad you are here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Love,  
> Prince of Hellebore


End file.
